Isn't this boy parenting thing crazy?! As in, crazy fun, crazy hard, crazy CRAZY! Boys are awesome! And the best part, they are going to one day grow up to be men. Isn't it exciting that WE get to be part of that?!
My son is a teenager now. I'm not even sure when that happened! One minute he was the rambunctious 6 year old who knew how to do EVERYTHING and was completely stubborn and opinionated, and the next minute, he's a half grown man who has mellowed out and is still stubborn and opinionated. For YEARS, I thought I was doing everything wrong and just ruining him. (Some days I still think that.) But really, he has turned out to be a great guy who I really love hanging out with! Here are some things I've learned along the way. I totally wish someone would have told me these things earlier! But really, I probably wouldn't have listened. Some things you just have to learn the hard way.
1. God wired boys differently. It's OK if they don't want to color!! Really! It doesn't matter later on in life if they sat with you and did those cute worksheets. They were made to run and play and conquer and dominate. Let them get dirty. Really dirty! Give them opportunities to do BOY things! Let them climb trees and built forts and learn to work with tools (age appropriate, of course) and go hunting and fishing and be in charge of things. They NEED that!
2. As much as I love my son (and all of my girls), I am NOT his BFF and he is NOT mine! I am his MOM and his parent! Which means I love him enough NOT to let him do anything he wants. And when he acts like he knows it all and isn't going to listen to me, I have the right to discipline him. It took awhile, but I have grown some really thick skin. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM taking away his phone (GASP!), snatching the computer out from under him (WHAT!), making him do extra chores because of a bad attitude (I'M SO MEAN!), or anything else I deem fitting. (No dessert after supper?? Oh yeah!) Mama, don't feel bad for telling your baby NO! Because there will be PLENTY of times in this life when he will NOT get his way. Do you want to prepare him for that, or leave him dumbfounded when he gets fired from job after job as an adult because he can't take no for an answer? And teach them to be RESPECTFUL, for crying out loud! Even if they are upset about your decision, they can still show respect. Respect your decisions, respect you as an adult, respect authority, respect other adults, respect people's time... JUST BE RESPECTFUL!!
3. It's OK to make your sweet boy do actual WORK! Small boys can pick up toys or help put away dishes and laundry. Bigger boys can do harder things like taking out the trash and mowing the lawn. There is absolutely NO REASON I should be killing myself to try to get it all done while my son sits inside playing video games or watching TV. It breeds resentment in your spirit, mama! Young men don't need everything handed to them without having some skin in the game. Let them work for it! If they want dinner, they have to help set the table. If they want clean clothes, they need to wash them. If they want a car, they'd better find a way to earn some money.
4. Let dad help! This one took me years to work through. My husband works and I stay home with the kids. Which means I am the one primarily with them. So in my mind, I was the one to teach them everything and only I got to discipline them. And let me tell you, when Mr. Right tried to go against that, it was not pretty. But God has shown me that dad's are parents, too, and they are actually supposed to be the one IN CHARGE! I finally sat down one day and told my son I was not going to bat for him anymore. Mr. Right had just as much parenting rights as I, and if dad wanted to discipline him or assign a chore or anything else, it was between the two of them. And I actually stay out of it! Having your spouse take half the burden is HUGE and FREEING!! Let me just say, this took me several years to pray and work through, so don't feel like a failure if you're just getting started on this one. (Disclaimer: I realize not everyone is married or has a good relationship with an ex. Please know, I am not talking about you! Being a single parent has got to be crazy hard, and I am sure you are doing everything you can! Be blessed, sister!)
5. You are raising up future men and husbands. Ladies, this is huge. Don't miss this one. Boys are just men in small bodies. They are exactly like God made them and intended them to be from the time they were born. Encourage that! Men are to be protectors and providers. They are to be stability and security. The Bible says our husbands are to be the leaders of our homes. Raise your boys so that they are prepared to lead their family when they leave you. Because as much as you love coddling them and making them play dolls with you and all sorts of other girly things to help feed your need for friendship, they will one day leave you. It's the sad truth. Our goal as mom's (and dad's) is to raise our boys so they will one day be great men in the world who make a difference! And to be great husbands to someone's baby girl! Trust me, as a mom of girls, too, I WANT someone who is raising real men! I want someone for each of my girls who will take care of them, and not some bratty adult who refuses to do anything and needs everything handed to them. Don't try to make them like you. THEY AREN'T GIRLS! They are BOYS who need to be taught to be MEN!
Mama, I know that sweet boy of yours has your heart. My son certainly has mine! But the best thing we could ever do for them is to raise them up like God expects, give them to God instead of trying to hang on (because He loves them even more than we do!), and watch God's plan for your young man unfold.
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