Deadheading

A few weeks ago, I bought some mums at Wal-Mart. I LOVE mums in the fall! The colors are absolutely gorgeous, and they will keep coming back year after year. And I especially love mums when they are on CLEARANCE! I scored a huge mum (like the one you sit out by your front door) for... wait for it... $2.50! I know, I should have bought like 20 of them, but alas, I didn't have room in my van. The kids needed somewhere to sit. They were beautiful yellow (one of my favorite colors!) and looked great out in front of my house.

But after a couple of weeks, the beautiful yellow flowers started turning a not-so-lovely brown. ~sigh~ So this morning, I started deadheading them.

Deadheading is where you pinch off the dead or dying blooms. Not only does it make your plant look better (and not like it's on it's last leg), but it encourages new growth. Get rid of the old and bring in the new. You can't always see the new growth right away, because sometimes it hasn't popped out yet. And sometimes you have to look really close because it's there but just hidden behind the dead blooms. But if you do the hard work of deadheading, and if you trust the process, the new growth WILL appear.

Deadheading plants is so much like life. We go through seasons. We go through relationships. We have changes. And sometimes, God asks us to do the hard work and deadhead some of those things that once were good. Here are some of the things I have found needed deadheading in my life.

1. A Calling - I spent many years in children's ministry. I loved it! It energized me and made me feel like I was about to jump out of my skin with excitement each week! I thought I would do it forever. But there came a new season, a slower season, where God pulled me out of that ministry. THAT, my friends, was HARD to deadhead! It's hard to KNOW without a doubt that you were called to something, and then to trust God and let go of it when the time comes and He calls you to something else. But God needed me to do the work of letting go of that good thing to make way for the NEW, BETTER thing He had for me. It has taken some great faith, because I couldn't see the good in it for a long time. But God is faithful! And because of my obedience, He has brought some new growth and calling in my life!

2. Friendships - There have been some relationships in my life that have been LIFE GIVING! Amazing friendships that were AMAZING! But there are some that, for whatever reason, are just toxic. Friends who just suck the energy right out of you. People who, even though you love them, just cause dread in your spirit when you think of seeing or talking to them. Sometimes our best efforts at being a great friend and being there for someone just don't work out. I have begun to be on guard for toxic relationships and deadhead those. Because even though it hurts to let go of people I love, God has such healing in it's place. (And believe me, ladies, you need some healing after a toxic relationship!) And God is faithful! He has brought into my life some of the greatest people, NEW FRIENDSHIPS, simply because I trusted Him.

3. Some Dreams - I have said for nearly my whole life that I am a gypsy at heart. My dream life is to travel the world. I really think I could move every 2 years and be perfectly happy. Living a life on the move, seeing new places, doing new things, trying new foods - that just speaks to me! But I finally realized that, even though that sounds like a ton of fun, that wasn't God's dream for me. He had MUCH BIGGER plans! So even though my dreams weren't really bad, they had to be deadheaded. THAT was really hard, too!! Because when you decide to give up a dream and trust that God has something better, but you can't see any of it right at that moment, it's really scary! I felt like I was giving up everything and would have nothing left! I mean, what are we without dreams?! But God is faithful! When I gave up MY dreams and started seeking HIS dreams for my life, He has opened up some new adventures I never thought of! And it's all from right here on my little plot of land. There are so many NEW dreams springing up in my heart, all of which are in line with what God wants for me. I gave up the good to have the BETTER.

There are so many other things in my life that have had to be deadheaded. As seasons change, we have to always be looking for what things need to go to make room for the new. The better. The BEST! What things are in your life right now that you need to move out to make some space for faith in whatever God has next for you? When you do the hard work and deadhead those things, you can see the new growth coming in right behind.

Dear Mom of Boys...

Dear mom of boys,

Isn't this boy parenting thing crazy?! As in, crazy fun, crazy hard, crazy CRAZY! Boys are awesome! And the best part, they are going to one day grow up to be men. Isn't it exciting that WE get to be part of that?!

My son is a teenager now. I'm not even sure when that happened! One minute he was the rambunctious 6 year old who knew how to do EVERYTHING and was completely stubborn and opinionated, and the next minute, he's a half grown man who has mellowed out and is still stubborn and opinionated. For YEARS, I thought I was doing everything wrong and just ruining him. (Some days I still think that.) But really, he has turned out to be a great guy who I really love hanging out with! Here are some things I've learned along the way. I totally wish someone would have told me these things earlier! But really, I probably wouldn't have listened. Some things you just have to learn the hard way.

1. God wired boys differently. It's OK if they don't want to color!! Really! It doesn't matter later on in life if they sat with you and did those cute worksheets. They were made to run and play and conquer and dominate. Let them get dirty. Really dirty! Give them opportunities to do BOY things! Let them climb trees and built forts and learn to work with tools (age appropriate, of course) and go hunting and fishing and be in charge of things. They NEED that!

2. As much as I love my son (and all of my girls), I am NOT his BFF and he is NOT mine! I am his MOM and his parent! Which means I love him enough NOT to let him do anything he wants. And when he acts like he knows it all and isn't going to listen to me, I have the right to discipline him. It took awhile, but I have grown some really thick skin. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM taking away his phone (GASP!), snatching the computer out from under him (WHAT!), making him do extra chores because of a bad attitude (I'M SO MEAN!), or anything else I deem fitting. (No dessert after supper?? Oh yeah!) Mama, don't feel bad for telling your baby NO! Because there will be PLENTY of times in this life when he will NOT get his way. Do you want to prepare him for that, or leave him dumbfounded when he gets fired from job after job as an adult because he can't take no for an answer? And teach them to be RESPECTFUL, for crying out loud! Even if they are upset about your decision, they can still show respect. Respect your decisions, respect you as an adult, respect authority, respect other adults, respect people's time... JUST BE RESPECTFUL!! 

3. It's OK to make your sweet boy do actual WORK! Small boys can pick up toys or help put away dishes and laundry. Bigger boys can do harder things like taking out the trash and mowing the lawn. There is absolutely NO REASON I should be killing myself to try to get it all done while my son sits inside playing video games or watching TV. It breeds resentment in your spirit, mama! Young men don't need everything handed to them without having some skin in the game. Let them work for it! If they want dinner, they have to help set the table. If they want clean clothes, they need to wash them. If they want a car, they'd better find a way to earn some money.

4. Let dad help! This one took me years to work through. My husband works and I stay home with the kids. Which means I am the one primarily with them. So in my mind, I was the one to teach them everything and only I got to discipline them. And let me tell you, when Mr. Right tried to go against that, it was not pretty. But God has shown me that dad's are parents, too, and they are actually supposed to be the one IN CHARGE! I finally sat down one day and told my son I was not going to bat for him anymore. Mr. Right had just as much parenting rights as I, and if dad wanted to discipline him or assign a chore or anything else, it was between the two of them. And I actually stay out of it! Having your spouse take half the burden is HUGE and FREEING!! Let me just say, this took me several years to pray and work through, so don't feel like a failure if you're just getting started on this one. (Disclaimer: I realize not everyone is married or has a good relationship with an ex. Please know, I am not talking about you! Being a single parent has got to be crazy hard, and I am sure you are doing everything you can! Be blessed, sister!)

5. You are raising up future men and husbands. Ladies, this is huge. Don't miss this one. Boys are just men in small bodies. They are exactly like God made them and intended them to be from the time they were born. Encourage that! Men are to be protectors and providers. They are to be stability and security. The Bible says our husbands are to be the leaders of our homes. Raise your boys so that they are prepared to lead their family when they leave you. Because as much as you love coddling them and making them play dolls with you and all sorts of other girly things to help feed your need for friendship, they will one day leave you. It's the sad truth. Our goal as mom's (and dad's) is to raise our boys so they will one day be great men in the world who make a difference! And to be great husbands to someone's baby girl! Trust me, as a mom of girls, too, I WANT someone who is raising real men! I want someone for each of my girls who will take care of them, and not some bratty adult who refuses to do anything and needs everything handed to them. Don't try to make them like you. THEY AREN'T GIRLS! They are BOYS who need to be taught to be MEN!

Mama, I know that sweet boy of yours has your heart. My son certainly has mine! But the best thing we could ever do for them is to raise them up like God expects, give them to God instead of trying to hang on (because He loves them even more than we do!), and watch God's plan for your young man unfold.